Monthly Archives: July 2013

#ALoveHateSituation

Hey, hey!

So, let me just start off by apologising for the lack of posts in the past… Month or so, I think? Anyhow, just like the very next person, I have had things needing to be attended to; whether willingly or not is another matter, however. As a sum-up, since my last post, I’ve had university examinations (so much fun…) for 2-3 weeks, had gone on holidays with my friends for a week, and after a week-and-a-half of chilling, sleeping, and working, here I am. Anyhow, hope you’ve been well, everything fine-and-dandy; let us get started!

Let’s blame a disrupted sleeping pattern, a semester of brain-wrenching university, 6 months of emotionally-exhaustive work and a splash of stress from day-to-day life, but my God… I think this year has made me a little bitter, to say the least! And why must I start off with this weak justification for my so-called ruthlessness? Because I am here today to rant about friends.

Now, now, don’t get me wrong, I beg of you, because I’d even go as far as to say that I am more reliant on my friends than I am on my family. As unfortunate as that sounds, it is the truth, but in all honesty, it’s not all that bad – I mean, many of us consider our closest friends to be ‘family’ anyway. And I love them most dearly, but that isn’t to say that at times, it feels as though they are intentionally trying to wear me down.

For this post, I’m going to go into a little bit of personal context to illustrate where ‘it’ had all begun; so let us get settled, because I’m not sure about you, but I can feel a rather ‘extensive’ post coming up!

So, our story evolves around the friendship group, predominantly consisting of high school friends – I’m sure you all know what I mean; there’s always that ‘general’ group of friends, let’s say maybe 20 or so people? And within that group, there are smaller groups of more tightly knit friends of around 5.

From the general group, a girl organised to go out for her birthday. Sounds good, yeah? I mean, a typical birthday plan for people our age, right? The problem was that the girl in question was, well, a little questionable in character. Unfortunately, she was the girl who had drunk too much at parties during school, as she’d start off drinking a few to fit in, before getting out of hand. She wanted to be liked – understandable, I mean, it was high school. And on top of that, she… wasn’t necessarily sexually ‘active’ (at this point at least), per say, but was… let’s say an eager young lady… And leave it at that for now. Continuing on. At this stage she was single.

Now, the general group was happy to go out for her birthday despite perceptions. To the evening’s events, a closer friend of mine had decided to invite a fellow from primary school along – he’d moved back in our area after leaving at the end of primary school. Seems like a nice opportunity to meet new people and make some friends. Great. So summarise, after that evening, the fellow and the birthday girl had become a couple. Cute.

For the next few months, everything was quiet. Until the girl went overseas for her gap year with a few other members of the general group, leaving this poor fellow back home. After under a week or so, they had broken things off, and the birthday girl had disconnected her Facebook (without warning) and was free to ‘meet’ new people on her trip, despite being with friends…

By this time, the fellow has joined a smaller group of closer friends, and simultaneously was broken-hearted, meaning the ex was a repeated conversation topic. Anyhow, still, this was fine – he was just getting over things, and it was just him talking, and it was going to pass. But wait for it. Come New Year’s Eve… At the end, we go our separate ways to find our way home in small groups. This fellow and a girl from the small group he had joined have a one-nighter… Then all hell breaks loose what with ‘betrayal’ and a lot of anger being thrown around into a tumultuous hurricane of emotions. Bad thing: well, what I’d just mentioned. Good thing: I was not directly involved (but that isn’t to say that this was not a recurring conversation topic).

A couple of months passed, and things gradually started to calm down. Of course, everyone knew of the events which had occurred. Then the aforementioned small group goes camping; optimistic, eh? Myself and several others were invited as well, but looking at the tense situation, as well as the fact that this camping trip was a thing which that small group did yearly and we didn’t want to ring-in, we declined the offer. Except one. This one was from my close circle of friends, and no offence, but lacks social ‘consciousness’ – blind to the fact that he may be ringing-in and unaware of the rest of our hesitancy, he goes along. Anyhow, the fellow and another member, although not all the way, did hit it off. Well, that just fed more kindle to that fire from hell, didn’t it? On the plus side, that ‘fling’ wasn’t a one-off, and they’re a couple.

Anyhow, my point is, being somewhat attached to these events is exhausting, and is frustrating to deal with to say the least, especially when you’re trying to organise group events and not do anything which can be perceived as ‘favouritism’.

But those events aren’t my only concern. But the other concerns have sprouted from these… Here’s the briefing:

The fellow’s girlfriend is a good friend of mine, however, since leaving school, she has seemed to prioritise things in such a way that I am feeling that I am being taken granted of – treated more so as a back-up friend where I am more relied to be there simply when she can find no one else

The guy who had tagged along to the camping trip (the ‘ring-in’), ever since the trip, has basically taken the aforementioned girl from me; it annoys me simply because I don’t want to be that selfish person, but I feel as though he, having no social awareness, has just pushed me aside and taken that friend from me, which, from my perspective is selfish. What makes it worse is that this is not the first time it has occurred. Which ultimately leads to me questioning why I cannot seem to ‘keep’ these friends… And I cannot ask him to back away, because that is simply more selfish and unreasonable. Ugh, thanks for that… This friend also does not now how to prioritise his friends – or more that he prioritises explicitly which is inappropriate, especially when his girlfriend is involved and she is clearly placed lower than his other friends, and frequently ‘joking’ how attractive his girlfriend’s younger sister is in front of the said girlfriend.

People (besides the guy above) are still aggressive and bitter towards the ‘newly’ formed couple

I have friends who have basically detached themselves since leaving school; I can understand the wanting to meet knew people and exploring new places and ideas, but (not caring that I am sounding selfish anymore) I don’t think it is fair to be simply ignored or avoided or under-prioritised because there are ‘new’ people. I think I wouldn’t be complaining about this if they’d gone to the effort to at least respond to messages, or decline with regret and promises of catching up

And in general, I despise it when friends:

– Suddenly stop replying to text messages, especially when you’re trying to organise something, and all you’re after is a yes or no

– All of a sudden cancel on you with a lack of proper apology or legitimate excuse

– Respond to events with ‘maybe’, simply because they want to see if they get a better offer – which I find rude, and do not appreciate being treated as a last resort; I would rather someone decline because they did not like the plans themselves

– People complain about certain topics or people, and when you (for that said person – often because they had asked you to) bring this topic up for discussion in open either do not support you in what you’re saying (because of others present), or give non-definitive responses as to protect themselves; both of these essentially resulting in myself being shoved under the bus. Fun

– Friends who aren’t your closest friends who make assumptions on situations (e.g. on events which had occurred), or myself or my friends, as if they know better than you do; I’m not trying to sound self-righteous here, but I’m sure we have all been there when someone has made unwarranted comments on something you’re sure that you know more about, whether it be because you were there when whatever event took place, or because you have known someone for longer than him/her

– Even within smaller groups, anything mentioned can easily be contorted, disfigured and manipulated, so that there is always someone who is an antagonist; who’s to blame in the end? You, of course, because you started it all by recounting your weekend

– Friends who complain about something, but do nothing to rectify this; this especially frustrates me when I have been elected to organise something because no one else wanted to, and come the event, the attendees complain about how everything had been managed, despite not having helped in any way or mentioned anything during the organising process about points you didn’t like

I understand that after this post, you must all think that I am the most selfish person as far as friendships go… But I think it was worth is – I mean, I got to vent, I know that that isn’t the case, and those of you who read this and myself don’t know each other anyhow! And you must also think that I am some sort of over-clingy individual who leeches on people who don’t want to be my friend… But I assure you that many of the people (both mentioned and not mentioned) are my friends – I was just having an aggravating day, and was merely picking at the little bits and pieces. And don’t be on your high horse and say you don’t have even one thing that doesn’t annoy you about many of your friends – friends aren’t necessarily someone who you think is 100% perfection, but are people who have flaws which can be easily looked over because the qualities you love are undeniably greater than these so-called flaws.

Anyhow, I’m knackered, so off I go. I feel like this was a somewhat underwhelming post, so I apologise for that. I’ll try and post more soon. Thanks, and goodnight!

#FirstWorld

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